Helping your kids cope with the effects of separation and divorce
Children, as well as parents, feel the stress and confusion of separation and divorce. Many kids feel angry, sad and frustrated about the prospect of their parents splitting up for good and are uncertain about what life will be like after divorce. Your ability to communicate successfully with your child , meet their needs, for safety and support take care of yourself, and maintain a civil relationship with your ex will have a positive effect on your child. Given the right support, your child will be able express their feelings, grieve their loss, and emerge from this unsettling time a stronger more resilient person. Talking with your children about separation and divorce

Reassurance and love will help kids heal
More than anything else, kids want to feel protected and loved. Throughout the trials of divorce, provide reassurance and love to your kids every step of the way. All of us, and especially children, are resilient and we have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support that we need. Let your kids know that even though the physical circumstances of the family unit will change, they can continue to have healthy, loving relationships with both of their parents. Reassure them that everyone in the family will get through this. Knowing that things will eventually be okay can provide incentive for your kids to give the new situation a chance.

Reassurance and comfort comes in many different forms:

*Verbal communication: Beyond reminders that they will be loved and cared for, verbal reassurance should address the reasons for fear, worry, sadness or anger. For example, “I know you are upset about moving, but we will make sure you can stay in the same school.”

*Non-verbal actions: Children pick up on your manner, expressions and actions almost more than your words. Offer your physical presence and support by hugging your kids, taking a walk, or just sitting down together. Help kids express their feelings For kids, divorce means the loss of a parent and the loss of life as they know it. Even though both parents remain physically present, a child’s sense of stability is upset because the family unit is broken apart. Your support will allow them to grieve their loss and eventually adjust to their new circumstances.

Below are some important ways that you can help your children express their feelings:

*Listen – Encourage your child to share their feelings and really listen to them. They may be feeling sadness, loss or frustration about things you may not have expected.

*Help them find words for their feelings – It is normal for children to have difficulty expressing their feelings. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk, “I see that you are upset – do you know what is making you sad/angry/frustrated?”

*Let them be honest – Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. You may have to check your own feelings at the door, but it is important not to judge. If they aren’t able to share it, they will have a harder time working through it.

*Acknowledge their feelings – It isn’t up to you to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings. You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand, “I know that you feel sad without mom here.” “I understand that you like to have dad tuck you in to bed.”